Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I'll start from the beginning...

Well hi, if you're interested on a former homeschooler's view on public school, I think you've come to the right place. I was homeschooled my entire life, up until about 9 weeks ago, when I started public school. I'm in the 9th grade, and let me tell you, high school's not what I expected.

The last days of summer, I was sooooo excited, I couldn't wait for school to start, I was anxious to start my new journey. I've always been one to make changes, and try new things, and this is definitely a BIG change. The day before school, I got really anxious. What if nobody liked me? What if everyone was smarter than me? What if I was just a joke? I was worrying about things that would obviously never happen. I also had no idea what to expect from school I'd never been before, I had no idea what it was like. What did I have to base it off of? TV? I'll tell you right now, high school is nothing like it is in TV and movies. The only thing Hollywood has right about high school is how fast rumors and drama spread. Seriously, if you tell one person something, in 30 minutes, half the school knows. And usually it gets twisted around. That's one of the things I don't like. :P

Well, when I wasn't worrying about people not liking me, I somehow had this crazy idea that I was gonna be a cool girl, with tons of friends and popularity. Ha. Way wrong. My first couple weeks of school were extremely awkward. I didn't know anybody. I was really quiet cause I didn't want people to not like me. So yeah, lol. I just focused on my schoolwork, and talked to people when they would come up to me. For a while though,it really did seem like nobody liked me. The first couple weeks sucked. I was getting good grades, I'm a straight A student, but I was really awkward.

As I got into the 4th and 5th week of school, I was really warmed up to everybody, and I had some friends. Not super popular, but I had people to hang out with at lunch, at least. This guy that sat directly next to me in algebra class, I used to hate cause he was obnoxious and immature sometimes, but now we're friends, and I might kinda like him lol, but that's a different topic. :P

I think it was around a few weeks ago, a little drama started happening. I was living the sorta happy single life, no bf, no worries. But guys started to pay attention to me... A few weeks ago, a guy asked me out, and I said yes. My first boyfriend in almost 10 months, I was pretty happy. No, really happy. He treated me like I was the most important person to him, and he acted like he really really really liked me. And I really really really liked him. I sill do... People said we were the sweetest, cutest couple ever. And I mean, almost everyone loved us together. Of course there were the jealous people who started rumors, but he didn't believe the ones about me, and I didn't believe the ones about him. We were perfect. Well, except for a little complication that happened too soon. Basically, he broke up with me just hours before homecoming, and was making out with another girl at the dance. Sooo yeah, I cried for the majority of my first homecoming. Everyone wanted to beat my ex up lol.

I did NOT want to go to school the next Monday, cause i knew people would be talking, and asking stuff, and asuming stuff. And I didn't want to face him cause I knew just looking at him would make me cry. 1st block was tough, I was trying SO HARD not to cry, but people could tell I was upset, even the teacher. my teacher let me and two of my friends go to the bathroom to talk cause he knew I needed a little fresh bathroom air i guess lol. My friends gave me a good pep talk, they told me that it's not even my loss, it's his, and that I'm a beautiful, smart, sweet, great girl who will be able to do a lot with my life. I felt a little better. I didn't see my ex at all that day, but I saw him the next day in the morning. When he saw me, he said, "Hey Lindsay, I really need to talk to you later." I wanted to punch him out so bad, but I'm just not that kind of person. I just stood there, and said with no emotion, "Fine." So, he found me at lunch and pulled me off into somewhere private. Now, it's not like this was his first attempt at apologizing. He'd sent me texts, emails, saying he was so sorry. Whatever. That day when he decided to apologize in person, it was so hard not to just fall into his arms and kiss him. I missed him so freaking much. And he sounded so sincere, but I forced myself not to believe him. He was like, "I know I hurt you real bad, and I felt terrible that whole night, I still feel terrible. The last thing I ever wanted was to make you cry. I just want you to know, I still love you, and I'm really sorry. Once I learn how to be mature, I'd be so lucky to have you back. Can you at least forgive me?" The whole time he said this, I just stood there, arms crossed, no expression, just looking in his eyes and listening. I wanted to believe him so bad. So i said, very blankly, "Fine." I won't ever forget how he hurt me, but Jesus says to forgive so I forgave. We all make mistakes. We  hugged for what I wish was longer, but hated at the same time. I still feel like that about him. I love him but hate him at the same time.

Okay.....This just turned into a little rant about my ex instead of about school lol...sorry, I guess i just had to get it out. I have many more boyfriend stories, but I'm gonna post about school more later.



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